Mothers give us many gifts, not the least of which is life itself. In addition, my mom gave us many stories from her zany ways and quick mind. I’d like to share just one of them with you.

I grew up in a large, extended Italian-American family. Life rotated around my maternal grand parent’s home at 180 Fifteenth Street on the west side of Buffalo, New York. My mom was the oldest child, with four sisters and one brother. Her youngest sister, Mary, and her family remained in the home with her parents, as was the custom, to care for the parents who were illiterate and barely bilingual (Grandmother was accused of speaking not only broken English, but also broken Italian dialect.) Visits to 180 were frequent and always interesting. Family dynamics dictated protocol: who would contribute to a meal, who would clean up, how long we could stay, how the children must behave, etc. Aunt Mary’s pleasure or displeasure was a major concern since she endured sharing her home with everyone and dealing with the idiosyncrasies of her parents and sibs. It was great fun infused with tension and complicated love.

I lived out of town and assuaged my mother’s unhappiness about that by visiting frequently. A weekend visit would include Mass and then a visit to my father’s grave. One beautiful summer Sunday, we finished our emotional visit to my Dad when my mother asked if we might also visit her parents and her sister who were buried in a separate section of the same sprawling cemetery.

We found a section to search in. The land was hilly, the sun was hot, many mourners were out tending the graves of loved ones. Mom and I walked up and down the hills looking over grave after grave…but with no luck. Mother started to call out, “Mary where are you? Tell us where you are.” Bystanders looked alarmed at this woman calling out to her deceased relatives. Mother persisted unsuccessfully until the heat got to us and I suggested we leave. She agreed and we left.

In a quiet moment on the ride home I had a brainstorm and asked my mother “Why do you think Aunt Mary didn’t answer your prayers and tell you where she was?” Without losing a beat she exclaimed “Well you know. Sometimes Aunt Mary wanted company and sometimes she didn’t. I guess she wasn’t in the mood today for company.”

Mom was sharp. She knew how to make sense out of whatever life gave her. She inspired us to do the same. Thanks mom.

Ralph Schillace, Ph.D. is a author, speaker and Cool Old Guy from Rochester Hills, Michigan. Contact Ralph via email at Schillac@oakland.edu

Over 80% of jobs are found, yes, through networking.

Your career should never be static — but always moving forward. Networking is a critical component of your career progress.

But, are you sure networking is a slam dunk?

You call up a friend and say you are looking for a job, and, does he know of a job for you? And, his response: “oh yeah, I will give it some thought.” And, you send him your resume so he can fill up his waste basket.

Or, is it — “So who are you?”

“I know you want to get together, but why?” “What’s in it for me?” she thinks.

Or, is it — you call up a friend who is thinking — I know this guy forever. Sure, let’s grab a bite…and then, oh, so that’s what he wanted — Do I know of a job for him? Hey, I know him socially, but professionally, do I really want to stick my neck out for him?

Are you more than your resume? How can you prove it?

How do you become a solution for a networking contact, rather than a problem?
How do you develop chemistry with someone as you make him/her aware of your strengths?

Every week you must dedicate time to networking — whether or not you are employed. Think of it as a job, but hopefully a successful and rewarding job. And, critical to this process is taking a pro-active, leadership role in each networking interface.

The following tips should provide some answers to the above questions and make you a more successful networker.

   •    Whether employed or in transition keep growing your network. Join and participate in professional organizations, groups, associations, etc.. Join on- line professional networking sites. Research and target companies that are expanding, as well as companies that are challenged and may need your skills.

   •    If you are employed, it means reaching out to individuals internally, as well as connecting and expanding your networking opportunities in the outside world. Even if you are satisfied with your position you should be benchmarking your position and culture vis-a-vis other organizations. You should be interested to learn how your salary compares to similar positions in other organisations, other opportunities, other initiatives, other solutions, other cultures, etc.. We all find ourselves too busy in our jobs to set aside time to network. But, and this is a big but, you must force yourself to regularly program into your schedule networking, and expanding your networking contacts. It is a career momentum must, and will pay off when you least expect it.

For those in career transition. networking and growing your network, should be an important part of every week. Think of yourself as a product, a special brand, that needs to be marketed, and exposed to the greatest number of potential customers.

But first, you must be clear and well-defined as to who you are — your Brand. (See my article on: “The Power of Your Brand.”)

   •    This is critical — Networking is a pro-active process. That means taking charge and being in command of each networking opportunity. In order for you to be successful at this you must be clear about career goals and your career accomplishments.

   •    To be pro-active you need a mini-strategic plan for each networking contact. Be clear about the specific outcome you want from the coffee, drink, lunch, etc..

   •    One outcome from your meeting is for the other person to feel more positive about you, more supportive. You need to make him/her your ally. To do so, be clear about who you are, your accomplishments, and your career goals. What are you most proud of in your career as it relates to your career progress?

   •    Always set up a get-together in person. Email or phone is not as effective. Creating chemistry, being persuasive, developing an ally comes about in person.

   •    Make it about ‘them’, not about ‘you’. (See my “You’ vs.. Them” article.) Think about how you can help them re your knowledge, expertise, contacts, etc. that will interest them. Networking is about reaching out to someone else.

   •    Preparation, including research, is another key component. Not only do you want to know the professional background of the individual with whom you are meeting, but be informed about his/her company including recent news releases.

 Also, you should be very clear about what specific companies, organizations that might be of interest to you, and where you would like contacts.

   •    A big don’t is to ask for a job.

Rather, ask for career advice, if appropriate, and discuss your plans. And, here is where preparation comes into play. Always leave a networking meeting with 2-3 new networking contacts. If you have done your research successfully, you will have identified your sweet spot organizations where you do not know anyone but would like to have a contact. So, now that you have made this person your ally — they are proud to know you and want to be helpful — it is a perfect opportunity to ask if he/she knows anyone in company X with whom you can connect, or, if not at X, they may know someone at company Y.

Always remember, being specific to someone will usually elicit a specific response. Don’t keep it general. Again, lead the conversation to get the results you want.

   •    Join professional groups and organizations, attend selective networking events — but stop just pitching fastballs; i.e. with the ‘how can you help me’? mindset. Rather, make it — How can I help you? You will find that the give back to you will actually increase.

   •    Last, but not least, is your networking list. It should contain at least a few hundred names. That includes, friends, relatives, business associates, school alumni, etc.. Again, by being specific, you will be surprised by the new, career- goal-relevant contacts you will have. Yes, even from that distant aunt or uncle who you haven’t spoken to in ten years. You never know until you try.

Networking is an art — the art of engagement, leadership, focus, and desired results.

Marshal Backlar is a COG from Beverly Hills, CA and President of Backlar Consultants. He has a proven track record of coaching senior executives and individuals from diverse business sectors. For further information, including contact information for a complimentary consultation, please visit his site, http://backlarconsultants.com

I was laying in bed the other night thinking about the things in my life that I’ve forgotten about, forgotten to enjoy.

In the workaday world that you and I live in, do you ever remember some electronic gizmo that you own but haven’t really played with yet, some book that you have and meant to read but didn’t, or some friend that you haven’t spoken to in over a year despite your affection for him or her?

For me, there is that expensive telescope that I got for Christmas a couple of years ago that I haven’t gotten out for a long time (due to excuses of weather, time, or inconvenience). There are the tape recorders, audio listening devices, and 15 books that I’ve bought or were given to me that I haven’t taken the time to dig into.

How about you?

Do you ever find that you are so busy looking at how to protect your overall life position, or grow it still further, that life becomes one long tactical chess match with circumstances that seldom allows you to stop and appreciate what you have already accumulated?

How about the people in your life? Do you ever start treating them the same way as that unused telescope too? Do you ever feel like you have plenty of time, (but just not right this minute), to show them how much you love them or share some fun with them?

Here is my solution: Count your blessings, literally….

Maybe what you and I can do this Holiday Season is to stop our pell-mell quest for “more”, and for “safety”, and for fixing that 1% of our lives that needs fixing long enough to deeply appreciate the other 99% that we already have….

Maybe we can take a vacation from our “responsibility”, and for our drive for growth, and from our fears and worries about what tomorrow may bring.

Maybe we can, instead, count our blessings as Assets in our lives without counting the Liabilities…

Just for the next 2 weeks, try this:

Instead of making your life the usual Balance Sheet of pluses and minuses, assets and liabilities, brief joys and overwhelming fears, try just looking at all of the blessings of your life in a deeper way.

Let’s consider, just for now, going deeper with our life instead of broader. We will return to the usual tactics of defending our life-castle against the ravaging barbarians of adverse circumstances (real or imagined) soon enough…

Here’s how I am going to do it, and I hope you decide to join me…:

I am going to literally write down my “blessings” in the form of people, places, experiences and things like I am looking at my life from 30,000 feet.

I am going to look at both the intangibles as well as the tangibles.

I am going to list:

- The people in my life, at all levels, who really mean something to me;

- The places that I am grateful to be in, to have been in, and that I will get to be in the coming year;

- My spiritual connections to God, my life, and to the people that I have been blessed to come into one-ness with, including, by the way, You…;

- My material assets (money, houses, cars, toys, furniture, clothes, electronics, books, etc);

- My education and experience with growth and wisdom throughout my life;

- My most precious memories;

- My health;

- And countless other things that I haven’t thought of yet, but somehow know that I will before the list is done.

I want to raise a glass of wine to the Divine Source that has given me such abundance, and just for the next two weeks, not feel guilt or unworthy of those blessings, but rather just grateful and humbled by them.

I can use this list to hit the reset button of my life in a new way. I can use it to deeply appreciate what I have and where I’ve been, and perhaps to better set my sails as to what my priorities need to be in the coming year that I should focus on.

I can use it to breathe in my appreciation for even being able to write you this newsletter via an electronic medium that didn’t exist just a few short years ago

(i.e. e-mail), and through that blessing having the experience of being connected to you on this Sunday night in a more direct way that was ever before possible.

Please don’t consider this just another sappy thought bubble that has come across your radar of consciousness.

Instead, consider that you may be reading it because you have somehow invited this perspective back into your life. Maybe your larger Self has manifested this perspective as an invitation to not waste any more time taking anything for granted.

After all, while “no man knows the hour of his own death”, perhaps this approach at least allows you this time as an opportunity to know the “hour of your own life”.

I’m going to start on this tonight, as I explain what I am up to with my family over dinner in hopes that they do the same thing…

What would this World be like if we all spent more time in such a place of appreciation?

I hope you join me….

I’m guessing that it may be the way that you and I could make this time more than just another Holiday Season, and instead make it sacred…

At least that is what I will be wishing and praying for you…, and me.

Al Killeen is an author, coach and consultant who helps leadership and management teams. His book, Sole Proprietorship is not only a good read, but offers the 8 critical steps to overcoming problems in business and in life. Al is a Cool Old Guy who can be reached at 303.544.2113 or via email at alk@integrativemasteryprograms.com

Lawrence Ferlinghetti’s Pictures of the Gone World…The Celestine Prophecy…Joy of Cooking…South Beach Diet…Worms Eat My Garbage…Winning Through Intimidation—What do these books have in common?

Answer: they all started as self-published. Self-publishing first is a long and honorable tradition. Ben Franklin, Anaïs Nin, Leo Tolstoy, Henry David Thoreau, and Walt Whitman are among the authors who first published themselves and then went to bigger houses (posthumously, in some cases).

Most authors dream about landing a big New York publisher, or at least a well-respected independent house—but with 560,626 books published in 2008 just in the United States, and only a few thousand of them coming from established royalty-paying commercial publishers, the odds are steep.

But it can be done, even if you’re not a household name. Two of my own books have made the transition (one of them to two different publishers). In 2003, I self-published a book on business ethics as a success driver, Principled Profit: Marketing That Puts People First <http://www.principledprofit.com>. First, I sold regional rights to foreign mainstream publishers in India and Mexico, and then later, I sold the U.S. rights: Principled Profit forms the basis for my eighth book, Guerrilla Marketing Goes Green: Winning Strategies to Improve Your Profits and Your Planet(co-authored with Jay Conrad Levinson), which John Wiley & Sons will publish in 2010. The newer book is a lot more comprehensive, but about 2/3 of it was in the original version.

Going back much farther, my first self-published book (and second book overall) was a skinny little paperback on low-cost marketing. That became the kernel of a much larger book, Marketing Without Megabucks: How to Sell Anything on a Shoestring, which Simon & Schuster published in 1993. I bought the book back in 1995, and then in 1998 sold the rights again, to Chelsea Green. Since a lot had changed in marketing, I once again created a whole new book but used most of the original. Grassroots Marketing: Getting Noticed in a Noisy World was published in 2000.

 So as an author, how can you up the chances that a big publisher will take you on? Here are three different strategies; if you can combine all three, publishers may even come after you:

Develop an Outstanding Marketing Platform

As much or more than the quality of your book, publishers want to know about the quality of your “marketing platform”: the number of people you can reach and perhaps convince to buy your book. If you regularly hit the speaking circuit, host your own radio or television show, participate actively in social media networks and online communities of interest, have a popular blog and/or e-zine, get interviewed in the media frequently, and have developed relationships with influential people who can promote you to their large networks, your attractiveness to a publisher is infinitely higher than the solitary scribe in a garret.

My recent successful proposal to Wiley highlighted my connectedness and my own platform. It discussed the many top-tier magazines and newspapers that have quoted me over the years, the 55 books that cite me, the thousands of people I connect with directly through my own newsletters, my blog, and my participation in discussion groups and social media—and probably most important, the 5,130,000 readers I estimated I could reach through the contacts I’ve built up with various e-zine and newsletter publishers, bloggers, and other influencers. A full seven pages of the proposal were devoted to showing off my platform.

So if you think you want to sell to a big publisher in a few years, start developing these spheres of influence NOW.

Create a Product That’s Recognized as Superior

Produce the best book on your subject, both in content and design. Win awards. Get endorsements, reviews, and course adoptions. Land a few bulk sales to catalogs, corporations or nonprofits. It’s all about third-party credibility.

Sell a Lot of Copies

If you’ve sold 10,000 or more copies of a self-published books, publishers will think you’re really HOT. If you haven’t sold 1000 yet, the self-published work will actually hurt your chances. So don’t go to other publishers until you can show convincingly that you’ve taken all the risk out of product development, and that you have a winner.

Shel Horowitz is a COG who turns unpublished writers into published authors, and also provides authors with affordable, effective, and ethical marketing strategic planning and copywriting. His most recent book is Grassroots Marketing for Authors and Publishers, http://www.grassrootsmarketingforauthors.com. Reach him at 413-586-2388, or use the contact form at http://shelhorowitz.com/#contact

Contibuted by: Jim Rohrbach

“Hope I die before I get old,” declare the Who in their classic rock anthem “My Generation.”  What really makes us “old” — our chronological age, or our attitude?  (“I’m TOO OLD for that sort of thing”)  My favorite quote on staying young is by philosopher Oliver Wendell Holmes:  “We don’t stop playing because we get old … we get old because we stop playing.”  And “Da Coach” here is not about to stop playing!

I’m writing these words as I sip an iced coffee outside on a picture perfect summer Tuesday morning.  This is after a 30-minute bike ride en route to my office.  Now how many of YOU are saying, “Gee — I’d love to ride MY bike to the office, BUT …” and kill the possibility before it even has a chance to grow.  WHAT IF — let’s just say — you could bring a change of clothes  in a backpack; that you could put your toiletries in the pack; that there was a health club with a shower nearby; that you’d have a blast riding by all the cars stuck in rush hour traffic … “NAH — better not … what would people think?  After all, I’M MIDDLE AGED.”

I submit it’s not that you COULDN’T ride your bike — you just WOULDN’T because you think it would be “undignified” at your age.  Well, I’m in my mid-50’s — summer’s here and the time is right for riding in the streets!  I loved it when I was 10 years old, and it’s no different four decades later.

So what are some things you can do to get some “play” into your life?  Here’s a few examples I engage in regularly:

•  Team sports.  There’s nothing I like better than takin’ it to the hoop with a group of guys at the “Y” — we’re out there runnin’, gunnin’, jumpin’, bumpin’, sweatin’ on each other and talkin’ all kinds of middle-aged trash … a phenomenal work out!  (My hero is a guy named Kenny, who’d in his early 70’s.)

•  Swimming.  Most of the year I’m doing indoor pool laps, but when July and August come, I LOVE jumping into Lake Michigan!  The water is always refreshingly invigorating.   (A well kept secret:  Chicago is a GREAT beach town.)

•  Cooking.  No matter what kind of day I’ve had, I usually prepare a simple dinner from scratch.  It really doesn’t take that long, and the process of chopping up ingredients, mixing them together and serving them up puts me in a state of relaxed concentration.  And the results beat the heck our of a microwaved frozen dinner.

•  Fandom.  As a Chicago sports fan, I’m cheering year ’round for Da Cubs, Da Bears and Da Bulls.  There’s no better way to let out pent up aggressions than at the old ball game.  My teams may not always win, but as a “die-hard” Cub fan, I say ANYBODY can have a bad century …

•  Music.  I learned to play guitar by mastering a few simple chords and then playing along with Beatles, Stones and Grateful Dead records — I always imagined I’m in the band!  I have some musical associates — we get together every so often to have a jam session to blow off steam.   (No — you don’t want to hear me sing, and I won’t quit my day job …)

•  Dogs.  My wife and I are dog lovers, and think our two are highly evolved beings — who else can give such unconditional love?  And they’re ALWAYS up for playing, even if it’s just a game of ball toss around the house.

•  Outings.  About once a month I gout out with some buddies for a dinner and perhaps a music or sporting event.  Since one of the gang is an Italian-American, we call this our “Goomba night.”  It’s a perfect night on the town to have some good clean fun — my thought is, “Everything in moderation, INCLUDING moderation!”

I hope I’ve inspired you to add a little fun into your life today, and everyday.  In order to live a great life, play like a champion!
 

Success Skills Coach Jim Rohrbach, “The Personal Fitness Trainer for Your Business,” coaches business owners, entrepreneurs and sales professionals on growing their clientele.  He has helped hundreds of individuals to achieve their goals since he developed his first coaching program in 1982.  You can visit Jim on the web at www.SuccessSkills.com.

So my boss is a real jerk, he’s uncommunicative, he’s micro, she’s not paying attention, his door is always closed…

Are you working for a great company except for your boss? Are you looking for other opportunities within your company? Are you looking for new opportunities on the outside?

But, first, are you allowing your boss to manage you — actively or passively?

How can you take control, and not make it about your bosses’ negative impact on you, but rather, about your positive impact on your boss?

Many times he/she will not meet you halfway. You have to do 100% of the walking and talking. So take charge. What are you waiting for?

This means making it about THEM, not YOU. Reach out to them for clarity on how you can support him/her, help them, and make them and the department look good. Set up meetings to keep both you and them in the loop. Find out about their expectations, plans, future, and, yes, when appropriate, about their family, kids, interests, etc.

So, you give it your best shot and you realize you can’t move mountains, or your boss, and the obvious question arises — have you been networking consistently and successfully?

I know, you are too busy and you don’t have the time. Networking is career critical yet we don’t do it, or don’t do it enough.

First, internally you should be cultivating relationships on a regular basis, especially with peers and superiors. Reach out, establish more chemistry, and learn how you can be more supportive of them. Also, use it as an opportunity to trade pertinent information.

And, in the external world your networking should be constantly expanding. Join professional groups and organizations, get together with business friends and contacts, and expand your network with their contacts.

So what would you like your next career move to be? And when?

For your networking initiative to work you need to answer the proceeding questions. And, you should also have concise answers to the questions: Who am I? What makes me special?  Your answers will help define you and your Brand (See my article on: “The Power of Your Brand”).

Think strategically about your career and position yourself for greater success. What initiatives will you roll out? What performance goals are you planning to accomplish? What is your time frame?

Last, but not least, is — you and Leadership. If you have not yet been a leader do you know what it means to be a leader, what changes in your style and habits do you need to make in order to become a successful leader. In other words, what will it take to hit the ground running, rather than stumbling?

Can you shift to strategic, big picture thinking? Can you motivate and lead a team? Can you create a vision and set goals with successful outcomes? How innovative are you in achieving success and surpassing expectations?

Now, if you are in a leadership position can you analyze your leadership strengths and weaknesses, cut through the distractions, and lay out a plan to improve yourself as a leader? A good beginning initiative is to get honest input about your leadership style and effectiveness from superiors, peers and subordinates.

Take charge of your career. Build relationships, reach out to your network and constantly expand it. You can make an impact by providing your knowledge and expertise to current and new networking contacts.

“You are smart, knowledgeable and successful. I appreciate what you represent – your Brand. I want to get to know you and support you.”

Marshal Backlar is a COG from Beverly Hills, CA and President of Backlar Consultants. He has a proven track record of coaching senior executives and individuals from diverse business sectors. For further information, including contact information for a complimentary consultation, please visit his site, http://www.backlarconsultants.com

As we all know, an “affirmation” is a statement of something you’d like to be true. For example, a classic “affirmation” is: “I am rich.”

OK, let’s try it. Say, “I am rich.”

What just happened? Did you hear a voice in your head that said: “Yeah, right!”

We’ve only been told to use “affirmations”, but they really don’t work for most of us. Why? Because you’re trying to convince yourself of something you don’t really believe.

Traditional success teachers told us, if you don’t believe your “affirmations”, just repeat them a thousand…er, million…uh, kajillion times until you eventually, um, believe them.

Have you ever used positive “affirmations” (for example, “I am rich, I am happy, I am enough”)… and then had…

Absolutely nothing happen?

Me too. And about a billion other people.

One morning in April 1997, I was taking a shower and thinking about how the human mind is always in the process of asking and seeking the answers to questions. For example, if I asked you, “Why is the sky blue?” – your mind would start SEARCHING for the answer.

So I asked myself a very logical question. “If the human mind is always asking and searching for the answers to questions, why are we going around making statements that we don’t believe? Why don’t we cut out the middleman?”

Then I realized that if we say an “affirmation” like, “I am rich” – to which our brain replies, “Yeah, right!” – What would the question be?

The question might look something like this: WHY AM I SO RICH?

Try it. Right now, ask yourself, “Why am I so rich?”

Do you know what your brain is doing right now? SEARCHING for the answer!

Since Biblical times, and in recent movies like “The Secret”, we’ve been reminded that there is such a thing as The Law of Attraction, which is simply The Law of Sowing and Reaping: “As you sow, so shall you reap”.

Most people are sowing lousy thought-seeds like: “Why am I such a loser? Why can’t I do anything right? Why can’t I lose weight? Why don’t I have enough money?”

When you sow disempowering thought-seeds, you always reap the fruits – which means your life shows up as what you’ve been unwittingly asking!

And that’s how, on that fateful morning in April 1997, I discovered and named the process of AFFORMATIONS. Afformations are my discovery of empowering questions (NOT “affirmations”) that immediately change your subconscious thought patterns from negative to positive.

The staggering realization I made in The Shower on that auspicious morning was that you create your reality in two ways: by the statements you say to yourself and others, and by the questions you ask yourself and others.

Traditional success teachers have focused a great deal of energy telling you that you should change your statements, in the form of “affirmations”. But until The Shower, no one had fully realized, or shown how to harness, the awesome power of what happens when you change your questions.

The 4 Steps to Create Afformations That Change Your Life

Step 1: Ask yourself what you want.                                  

You can use goals you’ve previously written, or start from scratch. You decide.

Please note that traditional success teachers stopped right here! They told us to “set your goals”, and then say “affirmations” that attempt to convince your brain that you will have what you want… sometime, somehow, somewhere.

For example, Brandon from Utah wanted to make more money doing what he loved. He was an insurance salesman who’d spent $30,000 on every “how-to succeed” program out there with no results. So he wrote: “I want to be all I can be in life.”

Now, the breakthrough step…

Step 2: Form a QUESTION that assumes that What You Want is already true.

In Step 2 of The Afformations Method, you form a question that assumes that what you want is already so. This is the key to creating Afformations that change your life.

Your Life is a reflection of the unconscious assumptions you make about life and your relationship to it. That’s why Step 2 of The Afformations Method is to change your communication with the world inside yourself. Afformations are the fastest, most effective way I’ve ever seen to immediately change your communication with the world inside of you AND the world outside of you.

So Brandon began afforming: “Why am I allowed to be, do and have all that I want in life?”

Step 3: Give yourself to the question.

The point of Afformations is not to find “the answer”, but to ask better questions. When you ask better questions, your mind automatically begins to focus on what you have vs. what you don’t have. When you do this, the results will amaze you.

Once Brandon began to afform what he wanted in the previous step, his mind automatically began to Search for the answer. He started doing things a little differently, and talking with people with new confidence.

Which brings us to the fourth step of The Afformations Method – the one you MUST do to get the results you want…

Step 4: Take new ACTIONS based on your new assumptions about life.

Right now, you’re making thousands of unconscious assumptions about life and your relationship to it. These assumptions form the basis of how you go through life – from lack or from enough, from Love or from Fear.

For example, even though he’d spent thousands of dollars on every “how-to succeed” program out there, Brandon unconsciously assumed they wouldn’t work for him. So they didn’t.

After reading my book, he realized that this very assumption was keeping him from what he wanted.

Once Brandon followed the four steps of Afformations, his sales TRIPLED in 30 days. In less than nine months, his income had increased 560% and he was named Agent of the Year.

The point of Afformations is not to find “the answer”, but to change your questions. When you follow The Afformations Method, you will FORM empowering questions that immediately change your subconscious assumptions.

Can you see how this process must, by definition, change your life? Using Afformations, you can take conscious control of your subconscious thoughts – change the questions, change your results, and change your life!

About the Author

Noah St. John, Ph.D. is the inventor of Afformations and author of six books including The Secret Code of Success: 7 Hidden Steps to More Wealth and Happiness (Collins).

Get the first three chapters of The Secret Code Book (free) at   http://SecretCodeBook.com  

For a FREE 60-Second Afformation Stress Buster, go to http://iAfform.com

If you are completely content with your circumstances, this post is not for you.  As the Aussies say, ‘Good onya, Mate!’  For the rest of us who have still not achieved everything we want to do or be, then read on.

There is one, and only one, secret to being a winner…and it isn’t inherited wealth, brains, or good looks (although those probably don’t hurt).  The true secret is that you must take action.  And that action must be different from what you have been doing.  Why?  Because what you have been doing hasn’t worked, or else you would have stopped reading after the first sentence.

Based on the laws of physics, change requires action.  It’s called inertia.  Something at rest tends to stay at rest; something in motion tends to stay in motion.  Think about a baseball when thrown by a pitcher.  It leaves his hand at a certain speed and stays approximately that speed until it lands in the catcher’s mitt, or…and here’s where the action comes in…it is struck by the bat and goes sailing out of the park.

A change took place because an action took place. So the takeaway on this is if you want to change the direction of your life, you must take action.

Since we tend to resist change because of fear, we have to step out of our comfort zone to make this happen.  The fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of being laughed at, all tend to keep us glued to one spot.  But consider this; successful people would never laugh at us for trying to accomplish something.  It’s always the losers, who are going nowhere with their lives, that try to hold us back.  Ignore them.

The story of Joanne Rowling is a good case in point.  A young, divorced, single mom, living on welfare, decided to take action.  Whenever she could get her young daughter to fall asleep, she would write.  Whether it was in nearby cafes or in her small flat in Edinburgh, she would write.  She became depressed and nearly suicidal after her mom died, but she made herself write anyway.  She did this for five years.

Barely making ends meet, she finally finished her first book.  She kept writing while she struggled to find a publisher.  Even while agreeing to publish her novel, he advised her to keep her day job, because she would never make any money writing children’s books.  She kept writing anyway.  She took action, and it paid off.

The Harry Potter series is now a global brand worth an estimated $15 billion US and has made J.K. Rowling one of the wealthiest women in the world.

She could have made excuses, felt sorry for herself, ‘kept her day job’, even succumbed to depression, but she did none of those things.  She took action.

Now most of us may not have a worldwide bestseller tucked away in our brains, but each of us has a set of talents and skills shaped by our experiences that is unlike anyone else in the world.  That’s what makes us unique.  So don’t squander it.  Explore it instead.  Find out what makes you tick, what gets you excited, then take action, any action, that moves you a little closer to what you’d really like to do or be if nothing was holding back…because nothing is holding you back!

Be a winner…take action!

Phil Morley is a COG, publicist, writer, blogger, architect, and entrepreneur who helps small to medium size firms get great exposure for their business or organization.  He serves as Chief PR Guy for www.newsreleasepro.com.

Be a Winner – Take Action! – © Phil Morley – 2009  All Rights Reserved

Every Cool Old Guy (COG) faces countless challenges in his life. There is no way to escape these challenges, and we cannot consciously control many of them. Though they can come in many forms–divorce, death of a loved one, loss of a job, health issues, a particularly embarrassing moment, challenge to our spiritual beliefs or a difficult childhood, for example–all challenging life events have commonalities: they are life-altering and can keep us trapped in the moment for years, consciously or not.

When I examined my own life, I realized that I had been standing at the foot of my mother’s casket for 35 years, grieving her loss in so many ways in my daily life. I realized that in order to let go of it, put it into perspective, and place it in its rightful place in my life, I had to ‘reframe’ it: turn this challenging life event into a positive opportunity for empowerment and enlightenment.

First step for any COG is to identify the challenging life event and explore where it may have influenced our life—not easy to do since we are generally blind to this past event’s existence in our present life. For example, you may have experienced a challenging life event that would fall under the theme of ‘protection’ (in which case you did not feel protected) and today, have an aversion to banks, require numerous medical opinions, or are hypersensitive to criticism. You can see how that challenging life event shows up in ways not immediately recognized.

Using the chart (free downloadable form here) as a guide, recall a past event that had a profound effect on you at the time. Write down your thoughts and feelings as a result of that event, immediately following it or years after. Consider how it may have impacted other areas of your life such as spirituality, family and friends, and financial, as listed on the chart.    

Failure to appreciate the significance of these challenging life events prevents us from reaching our full potential and can exert a lasting impression on others and ourselves. Reframing the event allows us to truly understand it and use it to launch ourselves forward, rather than allowing it to hold us back. For example: a COG who was a victim of childhood abuse might turn the hurt, pain, embarrassment and loss of power and control he suffered as a child into an opportunity to share what he learned and work towards prevention and empowerment of himself and others.

In the case of my mother’s death, I reframed my feelings of abandonment and isolation into the understanding that she had stayed with me as long as she could and didn’t leave before giving me the blueprint to be all I could be. Today, I view my life as a train ride upon which my mother is with me. I imagine that I am taking her to places that surprise her and places she envisioned her children would go. Use the chart (Click here for downloadable form) to write down the “old framed” view and associated feelings and thoughts (in my case, feelings of abandonment/isolation) and next to them, the “reframed” feelings and thoughts (my mother already gave me all that I need.)

The most important aspect of reframing is recognizing that whatever person, place, thing, words, metaphor, character, etc. we use to replace the challenging life event, we must avoid reframed concepts that point fingers, assign blame, refer to our own or others shortcomings, or elicit any other negative connotation. Positioned on a positive and empowering foundation, a truly reframed event is one upon which COGs can build and from which we can launch our true selves. 

“Cool Old Guy” is just one way to describe Dr. Nathaniel J. Williams. Author, CEO, professor, personal/professional development trainer, talk show host and community advocate are a few more. Learn more at www.nj-williams.com.

“One must learn a different… sense of time, one that depends more on small amounts than big ones.”  -  Sister Mary Paul

It’s 5 p.m.  Do you know where your hours went?  Most people don’t.  We don’t know how many hours we will spend on this planet, but most of us assume we’ll be around tomorrow and the next day and the next.  So we end up squandering one of our most precious resources.  The good news is that we can change!

Entire books have been written on the subject of time management, but here are 6 tips that will help you to get a better handle on where your time is going and how you can make better use of it.

1.  Keep a Time Log – Try keeping a journal for just one week on how you spend your time.  I know it’s a pain, but get over it.  You’ll be glad you did.  It doesn’t have to be anything elaborate, just keep it handy and every time you switch to a new task, write it down.  A brief description of your activity, whether it’s a phone call, a memo, or a power lunch with a client, should be recorded. If you spend time surfing the net, write it down.  No one else will see the log, so be honest in your assessment.  At the end of the week, review the log, maybe even tally up the hours spent by category.  You’ll probably be shocked at how little actual productive time you really spent.  Don’t feel bad…you’re not alone.  Better awareness of how you spend your time will go a long way toward becoming more productive with your time.

2.  Make a To Do List – Some folks do it at the end of the day while issues are still fresh on their minds.  They write down what they have to accomplish the next day, then they can go home and relax.  Some people prefer to come in rested and refreshed, and make their list of what they want to accomplish that day.  There’s no right or wrong way to do it.  The key is just to do it.  One important point on a To Do list is the need to prioritize your activities.  You may have 20 or 30 tasks you’d like to accomplish that day, but there are probably only a few that are critical.  Study your list and pick the activities that if you don’t do them may cost you your job (or at least that bonus you’re counting on).  Do them first!  Duh! Don’t even think about touching the others on the list until your top priority tasks are done.  Check them off when completed, and move to your next level of priority activities.  Try to complete all of the items on your list before you leave, but if you can’t, you can still sleep at night knowing that you will have a job the next day!

“Time is the coin of your life.  It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent.  Be careful lest you let other people spend it for you.”  -  Carl Sandburg

3.  Make Yourself Less Available – One of the greatest time wasters of all is other people.  Stop and consider how much time you spend each day engaged in conversation in person or on the phone, e-mail, Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, texting, whatever.  It’s a huge amount of time!  To increase your personal productivity and manage your time better, make yourself less available.  Pick your time and place to contact your friends.  Close the office door so Susie the office gossip doesn’t feel so comfortable in taking 30 of your precious minutes to vent about a co-worker.  If Fred insists on coming in to talk about last night’s game, stand up and meet him at the door while looking for a polite way to escort him back into the hallway.  You don’t want to be rude, but some people don’t value their time or yours, so it is up to you to control the situation.

4.  Double Up – One technique I have found very useful over the years (when I can remember to do it) is to combine activities.  For instance, if you are heading across town to a meeting, take just a minute to consider if you have any current or upcoming tasks that could be accomplished along the way.  Maybe there are some documents that need to be picked up or there is a client near your destination that you haven’t called on in a while.  There doesn’t have to be any link between your primary task and the second (or third) activity you add to the list, other than geography.  Most of us burn up a lot of time in the car every week, so anything we can do to make those trips more productive is worthwhile.

5.  Distinguish Between Critical and Urgent – Most of our days are filled from morning ’til night with activities; we go go go all the time.  When was the last time you stopped and smelled the roses?  Yeah, me too!  It seems like we are on a dead run all the time.  But how productive are we really?  One of the skills that sets the winners apart from the rest of us is their ability to focus on the critical rather than the urgent.  For example, your secretary buzzes you to say a supplier is on the line.  That is urgent only because he is waiting for you.  If he has news about a critical order then maybe it is a critical call, otherwise it isn’t.  You can call him back (or not) when it is convenient for you.  Being ‘critical’ is a measure of importance, being ‘urgent’ is only a measure of time.  Every day we are faced with urgent trivialities, usually being generated by other people.  Our job is to separate the wheat from the chaff and focus solely on those things that are going to get us closer to meeting our goals and objectives for the day.  Of course, if your boss walks in with an urgent triviality, your time may be better spent in meeting his demand than in trying to convince him it is trivial!  Just get it done quickly so you can get back to the important stuff.  Everybody else can take a number.

6.  Plan for the Long Term – Because our days are so filled with ‘busyness’, it is easy for us to lose sight of the big picture.  We may be doing a good job of prioritizing our work and dodging the urgent trivialities while still not being as productive as we could be.  Our time horizon needs to not focus solely on today, tomorrow, this week, but also on next month, next year, five years from now.  We need to take time to plan where we want to be (personally or as a company) in the future, set long-term goals and determine ways to measure our success in reaching various milestones.  If we fail to do this mid-range and long-term planning, we will be destined to stay on the treadmill forever.  Take some time every day to look at your longer term goals and make sure that your daily activities align with the longer term view.  If your activities today are not going to get you any closer to your long-term goals, then why are you doing them??

Phil Morley is a COG, publicist, writer, blogger, architect, and entrepreneur who helps small to medium size firms get great exposure for their business or organization.  He serves as Chief PR Guy for www.newsreleasepro.com.

6 Tips for Better Time Management – © Phil Morley – 2009  All Rights Reserved