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TJ

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Join TJ and Mark Bonto as they discuss how Cool Old Guys can use humor…or be funny…or just give people a smile…or see the humor in everday life…or…whatever.

Mark Bonto is a REALLY Cool Old Guy, author, writer, host of Comedy on Tap, comedian, and general all-around good guy. If you want to get in touch with Mark, email him at funnymanmb@yahoo.com. Enjoy!

Look, all us COG’s have been working hard and the economy sucks…I get that. But that’s no reason why we can’t get our act together and enjoy the holidays. Nobody works any harder than me, and Mrs. Claus is pestering the living crap out of me to get the outdoor decorations in place too. If you supervise people, don’t try to get any sympathy from me because I have hundred of little eles that can be very testy.

My latest photo!

All that being said, here are some tips to help you get into the holiday mood:

Listen to some cool holiday tunes- I know some malls and radio stations began playing Christmas music before Halloween, and that’s just wrong. Now is the time to tune into the 24 hour Christmas stations and rock the night away. One of my all time favorites is Silent Night by Stevie Nicks and of course White Christmas by a COG that has passed, Bing Crosby. Oh, BTW, I,m sorta sick of Santa Claus is coming to town, but go ahead if it makes you happy.

Party….there are plenty around! Partake!

Watch a Christmas themed movie. We all have our favorite but one of mine is A Christmas Story and of course the old standard It’s a Wonderful Life is a great one. If a movie brings you down…for godsake don’t watch it.

Decorate your pad. Put up some festive lights and a tree. Yes a tree! It will and some ambiance and help put you in the mood. Don’t worry about making it look like Martha Stewart decorated it…just get it up. (Sorry, no pun intended)

Finally, donate to help others. This year the need is greater than it has been in a long time. There are many families going without and you can help. Donate cash at every red bucket. Attend as many fund-raising events as you can. Work at a soup kitchen or church event. Volunteer to help in whatever way you can. After all…isn’t this the true meaning of Christmas?

Listen, I think the elves are getting out of control. I need to get back to work. Christmas is only two weeks from tomorrow!

Take an opportunity to tell me one thing you have done this year in the comments section below. This way I will know you’ve been nice.

Ho,Ho,Ho…Santa

Santa Claus is a Cool Old Guy who lives at the North Pole.

We all want great tasting recipes and we want to get the compliments from the people we cook for. It also helps that the recipes can be low cal and low fat. I have a recipe that can give you all of these traits in one great recipe.

First of all traditional buffalo wings start by being deep fried. This seals the skin and keeps the fat inside. My recipe is baked which adds tenderness and also renders off the chicken fat and drains it away. The wings are baked at 400 degrees for one hour, defrosted and 11/2 hours if placed in the oven frozen. Be sure to drain off the fat and juices at the half way mark.

Traditional wings are made with a buffalo sauce which is traditionally ½ melted butter and hot sauce. The butter adds 200 calories per tablespoon. My sauce is just as good with far fewer calories. You mix your favorite BBQ sauce with half or less hot sauce and brush this sauce on the wings at the half way point. Be sure to coat all sides of the wings.

Every time I have served this version of wings, I have gotten rave reviews, then I told them that it was a low calorie low fat recipe and they were really amazed. It is so simple and easy. You don’t have to tell people that you did not slave over this recipe, just enjoy the compliments. This recipe is easy even for the novice cook.

John Wilder is a Cool Old Guy and regular contributor to CoolOldGuys.org and can be reached at marriagecoach1@yahoo.com

Very Short Story

Man driving down road.  
Woman driving up same road.  
They pass each other.  
Woman yells out window, PIG!  
Man yells out window, Bitch!
Man rounds next curve.  
Man crashes into a HUGE PIG in middle of road and dies.

 
Thought For the Day:

If men would just listen

Tuesday July 6, 2010

Want to deliver a presentation which will deliver a message that “gets results”?
In this installment of COG Radio, TJ discusses communication expert Chuck Cote’s five presentation tips you can use to distinguish your presentations from those of your competitors. Whether you are presenting your products or services, ideas and concepts, or yourself…these tips will set you apart and lead to results and get more business. 

Chuck Cote is a communication expert who works with people and organizations that want to get more profitable business. Chuck is one Cool Old Guy and he can be reached by email at okcote@chuckcote.com or by phoning 800-350-7695.

(We wanted to share this with our fellow Cool Old Guys so they might gain a new a different perspective. Tell us what you think.)

I have conflicting thoughts about whether or not it is okay for a female to initiate the conversation with the male.

Many people that I know and even those on this board swear by the fact that it is the wrong thing to do. They say it will scare the man off or make him less interested or he’ll think I’m easy or desperate.

I have read your responses on this topic and I know you support the woman approaching the man. But are most men going to be okay with this or is it just a personal preference of yours?

Also, if I decide to approach someone and I give them my number, it then becomes the man’s responsibility to call me, right? Or should I be asking for their number?

I’m so confused as to how far the boundary goes after you approach the man because I’ve simply never done it before and so many say not to.

Also, when do I know it is okay to approach a man? Can I do it at a store? In the park? On the street? At an amusement park? Waiting in line at the movies? Just in general when is it okay and when is it not? Is it never okay? Is it always okay? The bar type is totally not what I’m looking for and that is generally where men will try to approach me.

Hello!

Yes, I understand that you’re confused. You have your sisters to thank for that. Men have never been confusing about this at all. We are very clear and specific about it. It’s you girls (and many of the so-called “experts” on this board) that keep the waters murky for you.

Let’s start with the approach. Yes, it’s ok for you to approach and initiate a conversation with a man. Not only is it a new millennium and women have all sorts of new rules and options; you also have all sorts of additional tricks to approach men that even us guys don’t have! Further, they are easy, fun and highly effective!

Next, the only people that think a woman approaching a man is “desperate” or “easy” is other women. It’s a battle you have within yourselves – men simply don’t think that way – trust me; I’ve interviewed over 10,000 of them. Men’s brains are wired differently than yours. We don’t respond to the games you throw and we don’t think you’re easy or desperate for approaching us. In fact, most of us think you’re strategic and even clever if you approach!

I was in a bar just a few nights ago when a woman approached me right out of the blue. Even now; days later, I don’t believe she was desperate OR easy! She wasn’t my type, but we had a nice conversation and I got to know her much better. In fact, I think very highly of her! She’s a very nice girl and will be terrific for some other guy – which she’s going to get because she’s willing to walk up and say hello to someone. Maybe the guy she gets next will be the one you are interested in because you’re too scared to go say hello to him yourself?

Yes, if you approach a guy and give him your number, it’s going to be his decision to call you back – just as if he had asked you for it in the first place. Keep in mind that initiating an approach (saying “hello”) doesn’t mean you have to finish it either. Likewise, if a guy approaches you first, it doesn’t mean that you can’t finish it for him by suggesting he take your number! There are no hard-and-fast rules about any of this. I’ve had many women say, “You know, you need to have my number!” Then, they proceed to write it down and put it in my hands. To this very day, I don’t think any of them were desperate!

You can certainly ask for his number too, but I always suggest you give him yours in exchange. It doesn’t mean he’ll call, but at least he has it. Likewise, you can call him too, and you have the same expectations as a guy would have. For instance, you want to have some context and have built some rapport and connection in order to have a reason to call him later on. For instance, if you and he are having a great conversation, you can end it just a little too soon by saying, “Well, it was really nice talking to you. We need to do this again sometime. Here’s my number – give me yours and let’s get together some time next week.”

Then, when you call, it’s natural. You can say, “Hey – are you available on Friday to continue our conversation from last week?” You see, you’ve built rapport and connection with him already and this is perfectly natural. It gives direction without looking desperate or easy – you’re not promising or demanding or expecting anything!

As to when you can approach a man, the answer is anywhere and everywhere! There are some obvious times to not approach someone. For instance, if he’s there with his wife or girlfriend, or seems in a huge rush and you won’t have time to connect with him, but frankly, this is pretty rare. It’s the same problem that men face too. They see a girl they’d like to get to know, but she’s in curlers, torn sweats and rushing through the isles at the store looking for baby formula. That’s probably not a good time to approach her.

On the flip side, most men would really appreciate meeting a nice girl like you. They’d walk away from wherever you met thinking, “Wow, what a great girl!” and then would probably blame themselves for being such a catch or something. The point is, they’re not really thinking about you as being desperate or easy at all – they’re thinking about themselves – just like you do when a guy approaches you!

If you want to learn more about how to approach men, there’s an e-book on my website (http://BeingAMan.com) that talks specifically about this. It goes into the reasoning behind it, how men think and react, how to find and approach guys, all your special “tricks” (the ones we guys don’t have) and much more. It’s called “How Women Can Approach Men”, and I highly encourage you to read it for the complete answer here.

Honey, you’ve got to get your head out of all this ridiculous dogma and into the game. Stop listening to these crazy, lonely idiots that think the rules from 50 years ago work today. They don’t. You’re a new girl in a new world at a new time.

Best regards…

——————————————————————

Have a love, dating, sex or relationship question? You can write to me or get more information about “Being a Man in a Woman’s World tm” by going to: http://BeingAMan.com. Be sure to check out the new BAM! TV at http://BeingAMan.tv. Follow me on Facebook (http://tinyurl.com/cas4w9) and Twitter (http://tinyurl.com/d3pecs).

Dear Abby,

I am a crack dealer in Beaumont, Texas who has recently been diagnosed
as a carrier of HIV virus.  My parents live in Fort Worth.  One of my
sisters lives in Flugerville and is married to a transvestite.

My father and mother have recently been arrested for growing and selling
marijuana.  They are financially dependent on my other two sisters, who are
prostitutes in Dallas

I have two brothers: one is currently serving a non-parole life sentence
at Huntsville for the murder of a teenage boy in 1994.  My other brother is
currently in jail awaiting charges of sexual misconduct with his three
children.

I have recently become engaged to marry a former prostitute who lives in
Longview.  She is a part time “working girl”.

All things considered, my problem is this… I love my fiancé and look
forward to bringing her into the family.  I certainly want to be totally
open and honest with her.

Should I tell her about my cousin who is an Obama supporter?
Signed,
Worried About My Reputation

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Dr. Tom Potisk, the Cool Old Guy who in known as “the down to earth doctor” because of his holistic lifestyle and practical advice on healthy living, joins TJ on this COG Radio segment. Dr. Tom has tips about whole health healing, chiropractic care, vitamins, and healthy foods including a “secret” snack that is great for a COGs prostate. Dr. Tom knows about “Whole Health Healing”…after all, he wrote the book on it.  Program length-17:50

Dr. Tom Potisk, speaker and author of “Whole Health Healing” which is packed with practical advice and he offers a FREE download for Cool Old Guys at http://thedowntoearthdoctor.com

Contributed by: Sid Moen

When I was a kid I did all my own car repairs.  The way I remember it, there was the satisfaction of working with my hands and accomplishing an important task while listening to rock and roll on a portable radio.

Fast forward a few years (OK, maybe a few decades). It all started when I noticed fork oil running down the right side of the front suspension of my GoldWing a few weeks ago. Closer inspection revealed oil soaked brake pads, wheel, and undercarriage on the right side.

What could be so hard about changing fork oil on a motorcycle?  I could think of lots of better uses for the $400.00 labor I was quoted at the local Honda shop.

The first step is to find a truck stop or industrial waste site and collect about 5 gallons of used differential oil and if possible add to this a few pounds or pureed three day old road kill. Spread this mixture liberally over the garage floor, walls, and any tools and benches you plan to use to mask the smell and roughly match the volume of the goo you will “drain” from the forks.  All that stuff is going to be covered in oil eventually anyway—might as well just smear it on early and get it over with.

Next, spend a few hours on the Internet reading how easy it is to swap out a set of seals in 30 minutes to two hours tops. Don’t forget to study the “shop manual” for useless information that has nothing to do with the actual work you are about to tackle. Be sure to read all the blogs and bulletin boards you can. After you’ve spent about half a day looking for time saving shortcuts, give up and actually start taking apart your bike.

It turns out the geniuses at Honda use two bolts on the left brake caliper and two on the right to hold said components to the forks. When you try to remove them you find two bolts take a 13 mm socket, one takes a hex wrench, and one a #40 Torx socket. Yes, three different style fasteners to hold what amounts to the same component to the same structure, just on the opposite side.

Removing the front half of the fender and the front wheel is pretty straightforward. Unless you count the 30 or so fasteners you have to take off to get the brakes out of the way. It’s also important to consult a Higher Power before trying to fish the back part of the fender out of the tangle of brake lines and system of tabs and slots obviously designed to test the patience of Job.

Once all the various contraptions that are stuck to the fork legs are removed, the job gets a little simpler. There are still a couple of tricks up Honda’s sleeve however. The dash has to be removed to access the top caps. This, of course, means dealing with a wire connector which cannot be easily pulled apart no matter how many times you have done it before. (Every time I take it apart I swear I will file off the little catch that causes the problem).

Another procedure calls for loosening the hex bolt in the bottom of each leg. Internet experts suggest using an air impact wrench for this. I opted for the low tech method. Using a standard hex wrench, I found a giant Crescent wrench and fitted the “L” part into the jaws and broke loose the stubborn bolt. This was also the time when random spurts of stinky black oil began to fly out in all directions without warning or any regard for the laws of physics.

Speaking of oversize tools, the top caps can not be loosened without resorting to extra leverage. After straining with a ratchet wrench and inventing a few new words, I decided to gain an advantage by using my torque wrench with the long handle. As I was holding the right handlebar with my belly and pulling the wrench for all I was worth, it occurred to me it might be interesting to see how much torque it took to break this particular bolt loose. Just as my eyes started to focus on the tiny numbers the bolt gave way. I didn’t get the reading but I did put the torque wrench on the floor where I could trip over it a few minutes later.

One more obstacle remained before I could actually remove the right fork and spill more oil on the floor. The upper pinch bolt came loose pretty easily. The lower one is semi-hidden up under the front body work and was, of course, coated with a thick mixture of oil and dirt. After loosening the lower pinch bolt I found the fork tube was still stuck fast, and even using all my magic words failed to make it budge. I re-loosened the upper pinch bolt and began hammering on the top of the fork cap with a big hammer and a half inch socket extension. For some reason I came to my senses temporarily and re-examined the lower pinch bolt. This time I noticed the second bolt immediately above the lower one I had already loosened. A couple of turns and the leg came sliding out, dripping filthy smelly oil all the way to the work bench where it puked another puddle of grayish ooze before I had time to react.

Have I mentioned the odor associated with the used fork oil? It is severe. Think of what it might be like to sniff a hobo’s sweat sock which has been soaked in Kim chi, and buried under a damp chicken coop for about three years. Then quadruple the effect. 

There in my garage, covered in stinky oil goo, knuckles banged up and back hurting from all the bending and stretching, I wondered how I ever thought this was a fun thing to do. 

Then it hit me.  I walked over to the portable radio on my workbench and turned it on.  Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top came blaring out of the speakers. The full-blast beat of rock-and-roll somehow erased all the pain it took to get this far.

I expect the rest of the job to be anticlimactic—change the seals and put it all back together. After all, how hard could it be?

Sid Moen is a retired police sergeant turned management consultant and a Cool Old Guy.  When he’s not touring the country on his GoldWing, he can be found in his garage trying to figure out what to do with all the spare parts leftover from his repair jobs.